Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
