I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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