yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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