ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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