What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
