it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
