he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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