just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
