I wannas sexs uuuuu
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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