Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
