Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
