I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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