I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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