If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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