Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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