the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
