i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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