dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i now understand why vodka
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