so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
