I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
