the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
