I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
