just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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