I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
