Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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