Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize