I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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