They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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