If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
