I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have post one night stand depression
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