It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
