I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
