all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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