Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Enjoy the penises
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
