I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
