Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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