Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
