90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
