I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
