Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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