is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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