i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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