Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize