8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
