if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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