rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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