my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize