I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am mentally ready for anal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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