Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
