i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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