Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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