Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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