There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
