Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
