Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize