I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize