party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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