im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
