I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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