It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
