Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
