Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
