Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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