i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize