I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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