Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
