At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
