In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
