Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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