i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
