He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
