She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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