everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
