He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
splinters make it hard to masturbate
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize