She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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