You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize