if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
