he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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