I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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