no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
