People in love make me want to vomit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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