i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize