I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
