I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize