just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize