dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
