she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
