The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
