drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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