hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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