you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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