i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
