apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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