...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
