How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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