He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
