these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
