there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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