If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
