He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
soo... how was my night?
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