I looked at my own cervix.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
being pregnant is like rehab
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
